I'll Miss You, Blake. Commence Crying.

I just put Blake to bed knowing that for the first time in months, I will not get to spend the day with him tomorrow. A few weeks ago I thought it would be easier this year since he is older. The closer it got, the more I realized that it would be even harder. It's harder because he knows more. If I run out to my car for a minute Blake bangs on the door for me. The thought of leaving him just breaks my heart.  Our mornings will not start like this anymore..

 

I know. "We've all been there." And, "It will be fine," and "You got to spend the entire summer with him." That's great, thanks. I will always wish I could spend every minute of every day with that sweet boy. Yes, I will survive. I'm clearly not the only mom who ever worked, and I'm extremely lucky to have had the entire summer with Blake. But, no, it doesn't make it any easier to go back. 

Of course I'm feeling like the summer flew by, but did it? Arizona feels so long ago. We did so much, and we watched our little boy grow SO much. I've written in this blog 15 times since school ended. I wish I wrote more, but I love the memories I have. I'm lucky to be able to share my summer with Keith as well. It's equally hard leaving him on the first day. We spend every minute together all summer and never get sick of each other. I'm glad I don't just have time with Blake over the summer, but that we have time as a family. We have done so much and had so many new experiences.

I'm trying to be positive knowing I can run home to Blake after school and we have a million fun things planned for the fall. I'm still sad. I am excited for this school year and the classes I'm teaching. But I'm still sad.

Tomorrow morning I'll drive away from my little Blake and cry. Hopefully not as hard as I cried on my first day last year when Keith brought Blake outside on the porch and waved Blake's little hand and I absolutely lost it. I sobbed so hard that I could hardly breathe. But I know I'll cry. I know because I'm crying thinking about it right now. Moms everywhere going back to work tomorrow - I feel your pain. And everyone else - don't tell us that it's fine, or it'll be fine. It will never be fine. It's just life.